I can’t even begin to count all the times I have gone for a run with my wife. Wait, yes I can, it’s one. I have gone for a run with my wife exactly one time. Once. At the time she wasn’t my wife. We were fairly early on in the dating stage. I knew she run on Sunday mornings with her girlfriends S and L. They even trained for a half marathon together. I no thought, she likes to run, I CAN run, this will be something we can enjoy doing together. It will be our thing. Maybe we will end up traveling the world and see the streets of London and Paris and Milan before sunrise as we wind through the cobblestone streets, with only runners on our feet and a hotel room key in our pockets. I broached the idea of a run and she seemed keen. One thing to note, I had met S and L in person. They are petite women. Although I have never seen itvfirsthand, I imagine they must run the way deer run through an open glade, silently, elegantly, smooth as a gentle breeze. Whereas I, I on the other hand, run like a drunk moose crashing through the forest; plodding, drooling, wheezing, snorting. But then I am not a petite lady, rather an extra sized soul. We ran for about half an hour, got back to our neighborhood and instead of heAding straight back to our apartment, we went out for breakfast. After we rehydrated and started our plate of eggs, she got got this serious look on her face and said; I have something important to tell you. And I stopped eating my eggs, wondering why ids breaking up with me. What did I do? What didn’t I do. And she says “the run was fun” I said “uh huh” She said “ I like doing things together” “ yeah, me too” “I just feel like maybe we shouldn’t do that anymore” “sorry, do what anymore?” “The running””Oh, okay, why”” you know love you, right?””I know”” I don’t want you to take this the wrong way””Okay, I will try”

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You really want to talk about this right now? Yes, yes I do. Right now? Can’t it wait? It can not wait. Why can’t it wait? Because it can’t . What do mean it can’t? It can’t, I already said. Find then, what is it? What do you want to tell me? You better sit down. I better sit down? Jesus, can you be any more melodramatic! Please just sit. Fine. Ok,?I am sitting, what is it. C’mon, your the one who wanted to talk to me, so talk. You remember a couple weeks ago, you met my friend sherry she was her for a drink? Yeah, I remember her. And you remember how I introduced her as my college roommate, and we hadn’t seen each other for a while. Uh huh. And I told you she was just in town for the night on budiness. Yeah, what about her? I lied. Sorry? You heard me, I lied. About what? About everything. Wait, you lied? Yes. Lied to me? About everything, Yes. What are you talking about? Sherry is not my old friend from college. Okay? I met her online. Online? Yeah, you know. I…what…what do mean online? You know the sites. The sites? What are talking about. You know, the sites where two people go to meet each other? To meet each other? Yes. Two strangers? Yes. Like a fucking dating site? A dating site! Is that what we are talking about here!?! I need you to calm down. You want to calm down? Your seeing other people? Screwing them under our roof, and you want me to calm down?! Yes. So what, your gay now? Since when are you gay? Since forever. What are fucking talking about since forever. You are not Gay. Yes I am. No you are not. Pretty sure I am. How is that even possible, we’ve been together for 26 years. It’s more complicated than that. Is it? Is is? Please, enlighten me. I realized I was into women about ten years ago. You did? So the last ten years we been together had you been what? You were just bidding your time?

You had one job. One. Yes? Yes. What happened? What happened? To the plant? The one in the corner that you were supposed to be watering? I did. Many times. Many times? Really? Are you doubting me know? What color is it? What? You got eyes haven’t you? Tell me what color it is? What color? Yes. Okay, the stem is dark brown. Fuck the stem. I don’t give a shit what color the stem is! You asked me what color didn’t you? The leaves. What color are the leaves? It’s a bit hard to describe. Try me. They kind of a pale yellow brown color. Correct! What color were they when I left? The leaves? Yes, the leaves. What color were they when I left? Green? Are you sure? Is that you answer? Yes. So what happened? I don’t know. Yes you do. I tell you I don’t. But you do. Be honest. What happened. I watered it just like you said. No you didn’t’t. You did not. No watering. What do you mean? If you watered the tree would still have green leaves, but as you can see, it doesn’t. So? So what? So tell me what happened. I don’t know , I watered it just like you said. Did you? Yes. How many times a day did you water it? Once? Is that a question or a statement? It’s the truth. We’ve been friends along time, please don’t insult my intelligence. I’m telling you the truth. How could you be telling me the truth? Look at it. It’s dead. You fucking killed it. You had one job!

He knew it would be coming. It always does. Starts with the opening of the bedroom door at the end of the hall. The footsteps on the carpet that needs to be changed overtop the old hardwood that sequels in protest under the pressure. Eight, or perhaps nine steps down the hall and she’s here.you knew that she would be. She always us when they fall asleep in the bug bed. She on her side closest to the clock radio, E. On her side closest to the door. You left them six hours ago. They lay facing each other. As if deep in conversation, mother and daughter, only with their eyes closed and the duvee pulled up under their chins. The slow rise and fall of the blanket. The silence as you close the door. The sequel of the hard wood under the carpet that needs to be replaced as you walk softly as you can to the other bedroom. To sleep and wait.

He started at midnight. His brain scoffing at the idea of sleep. His body slowly wilting in its absence. It was all he needed, even an hour, he be fine, hell twenty good minutes and he would be back in business. His brain said this, nonchalantly, like yeah no problem partner we can do that, and though it sounded good, actually pretty fucking great right about now, he knew for certain one thing, if he slept for an hour it’s going to be 6 hours, and if he legitimately wanted to close his eyelids for twenty minutes he knew they would stay locked shut for seven hours. No sleep, I will be fine he told himself. He remembered a podcast he heard about the navy seals. How the last six days, if you get that far in the selection program is called hell week, and involves not sleeping for six days, and if they could do six days then surely he could do one night. No problem. He cleared the desk, closed down the extra winsows on his computer, took off his socks and lay down on the couch to collect his thoughts, his eyes closed, his thoughts muddled into dreams, at 4am he opened his eyes, warm, fully dressed, the computer screen long since black, the room still brightly lit, snow had begun to fall. He reached for the diver, pulled it over top of him, rolled to his other side, cursing his original plan.

One flower. Purchased every Friday after work from the cart outside your office. You will give it to the crazy amazing girl who works down the block. Who will one day become your wife. Who will one day inform you that she was never fond of Gerber daisies that you always thought was her favorite flower. And you will laugh together and remember what it felt like at the flower cart at 5:30 on Friday afternoons, the wind in your hair, the rain in your face, and nothing existed but possibility, as you walked, a man with flower in hand, and they looked at you differently. Women that is.

It seems insane. The thought that he could even do it at all. Not physically. That would be the easy part. He could scale the five stories and climb onto the flat roof in way less than a minute he reckoned. But, yeah, fuck it’s insane. What? He going to tie the Labrador to the telephone pole. Run down the short drive to ladder. Then standing for the briefest of moments, not fully comprehending what the legalities ar, outstretched his arms and grasp the rung above his head, right foot rises, rest on the ring closest to the ground. And let’s say he did make it . Let’s say he climbed all the way to the top, stood on the flat roof, they didn’t heR him because the owners of the house were asleep or away. Let’s say he did stand triumphant surveying the whole neighborhood from four stories up , then what? Plant some prayer flags,leave an offering. Take 3 deep breaths and soak us in

He wasn’t the friendliest if neighbours, those that lived near him would say. Sort of stuck to himself, I suppose. I mean he was nice enough I guess. Dash hello when he saw you, but that was about it. How long he’d lived here for. Nobody really knew. Predated everybody on the street. For most he’d been a fixture here, even the old timers of the neigh out hood couldn’t remember a time when he wasn’t here. Nobody really knew what he did for money. Some talked of some real estate holdings, others of some family money, but nobody knew for certain. One thing everybody agreed upon though was he didn’t like to spend money. Nobody could even recollect if he had even done any renovations to the house over the years. He drove a 1974 Dodge Dart, that, if it had been cared for, serviced, loved, would have made a quirky collector car, but as it was, it stuck out against amthe sea of late model Audis, and Mercedes and Lexus’ and Infinity’s that occupied the other driveways. It was two tone green. Deep forest for the body, two tones lighter for the roof. They found him in the backyard, face down in the uncut grass, Galway between his back patio and shed. His feet were bear, his fist clenched tight around a key, nondescript, silver, that didn’t fit into any of the locks in his house.

He jumped. Everyone had seen it but nobody said nothing, you know? I know. Hey did you know him? Look familiar? Like maybe from around the neighborhood? I don’t know. I don’t think so, but man he jumped. Just like that? Just like that. One minute he’s standing here, plain as you and me and the next, the next, he’s gone. Just up and jumped. Who does that? I don’t know. Maybe more than we think. Can you describe him? Yeah, sure, he’s wearing one of them long coats, you know the kind goes all the way to the ankles. What they call those? A trench coat? Yeah, right,that’s what they call them, a trench coat. He had a trench coat. Light brown. And one of them hats, you know, round on the top with a little brim all round. What they call those? A bowler? YeH, that’s right, that’s what they call them. He had on a black bowler. Anything else you can remember. Yeah, the big watch. Huge face. Looked like the thing weighed five pounds. Pribably what sunk him. Sinking was the last of his worries. How you come to see him? I’m on this here bridge every night. Never been too good at sleeping, you know what I mean. So I come here almost every night now. Walk, smoke, look at that moon and stars when I can see them way high up there in the shy. I was looking at the moon. It’s almost full tonight, you see that? Yeah, I was just looking at the moon and then look down and there is right in front of me. He just appeared. Like a ghost, suddenly he was there. He had one leg over already. Don’t I said, don’t do it, i said “I live you brother.I do.” I didn’t know what I’d to say you know? And he stopped, and he looked right past me. He dyes ain’t got nothing in them. And he just stays there one leg over They just look a thousand mile away. I hate this damn bridge I said . I really do. Meant every